R.E.M. – Wanderlust

Hey, you know what’s pretty inoffensive? The nice but flightly pop songs “Wanderlust” and “The Outsiders” performed without it’s stupid rap appearance.

Hey, know what’s a stupid headline? This: “Mayor Rob Ford says he will try to kill City Hall hike station with showers” – how the hell do I not have a job copy editing headlines if this is making it to press? Because while I hate Rob Ford, I can assure you he is not trying to use showers to assassinate a bike parking lot. Though his objection to said bike station is terrible. You know, I’d dislike Rob Ford policy-wise regardless of his personality, but the fact that he is a corrupt, lying, misogynistic, stupid, violent drunk makes me quite content in saying that I hate him.

Hey, know what’s a serious issue? Perhaps, you might say, a serious “Men’s Issue”? Suicide, that’s what. Perhaps even an issue one would feel justified in starting a club about, along with the general feeling that men feel growing up that they are meant to be self-reliant and stoic. So, when several universities in the Toronto area announced they wanted to start “men’s rights” clubs I was initially optimistic. Among men 17-24 suicide rates are four times that of suicide rates among women of the same age; it’s something that could use some specific attention. As a young man who struggled awfully with emotional problems when I was young (especially after my mother’s suicide), and who found nearly zero recourse other than the friends I was lucky enough to have, I feel like I understand that this is an issue that needs addressing on a personal, not institutional level. Male-dominated society is responsible, but that doesn’t help tomorrow’s 19 year-old men dealing with their serious emotional problems, yo. But no, cursory examination reveals that these clubs are only interested in young men dying as a pretense for rambling about false rape accusations and alimony. Thanks a lot for letting young men continue to die, assholes! You’re little better than rich southerners complaining about reparations! What a sadly missed opportunity. I guess Johnny will have to continue to deal with his mom’s death (or abusive coach, or alcoholic dad) on his own just like now!

For the record, I sort of wish I could start a young men’s support club, and universities sure as fuck need some way to reach the disproportionate number of young men that are killing themselves every year, I would start by hanging a big banner that says “IT’S OKAY TO WANT HELP” – because I sure as fuck remember feeling like nobody was there for me. Until, of course, my friends (including my fraternity – gold and blue!) told me over and over that I had people to talk to, until I finally believed them. I remember my dad never talking to me, and I remember the university psychiatrists giving me no special attention, and I remember not getting any exam exemptions, and I’m obviously still worked up about it, and I might have turned out as at least a dropout without the support I had through friendly serendipity. But if I was a stupid, and didn’t have the friends I had…might’be been rough. I’m drunk, and this is terrible. A bunch of self-involved blather.

The numbers are a bit serious, and I feel bad because it could have been me. It sort of is me, except that I had the magic elixir of a million lovely friends. No surprise, I guess, that 20 year-old internet men don’t care about real problems and just want to get their own. Hey, it’s great popcorn to read about. But but but, if I was in charge of the universe I’d be addressing that suicide rate; the fact that it’s ignored and outraged about Mike Rice’s firing is not ignored is just one more reason to rant against Conservatives. I really must digress now.

Hey, put it in my butt and change your name to Franklin. No? How DARE you stress out over little stuff while young men are KILLING THEMSELVES? You are a MONSTER.

5 / 10


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