Blood Brothers – Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck

Doesn’t it, though? If you didn’t know the title track was great, here’s one more chance to listen and listen. Protagonist leaves lover for prettier girl, is in car crash, no has nobody, last five seconds make listener automatically raise arms then drop them at the exactly correct time. aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!  If you don’t like it you’ll die miserably. The last five seconds, at least. There is a lot of screamy gay soundin’ guy and it’s easy to see why that might bother you.

Aren’t you sad to know the time for this has passed? What are today’s 19yos with anti-eyebrows listening to?

But it was nice of them to release an EP that’s almost as long as the parent album. I bet all the extras are just as good as the album as well!

“Ladies and Gentlemen” is a typical quiet-loud (x 100) number, but it’s too about-nothing to work well, and there’s no solid hook here to tie it together. The dynamics lurch back and forth without good reason. The lyrics might be fantastic, but they aren’t included, so I sure as shit can’t tell. Hey, know what’s a good joke? Next time you’re going through a door at the same time as a girl, aggressively go through first then say “laddies first!” Works every time!

“Metronomes” is neat for having a metronomic (surprise!) beat. You can almost hear the brush going from tick to tock but not really, and it feels eerie and neat-o. It’s unusual for the band for staying quiet throughout, but the main vein about “keeping beat to the butchery” sounds too Diablo and it needs more emotion to keep the faith going. Hey, know a funny joke? Video tape yourselves grabbing a stranger’s cell phone, smashing it, then handing them a thousand dollars. The immediate reaction will be hilarious! Send me the video. And some money.

The “alt. version” of “Crimes” is the same until the chorus-like apogee, when – surprise! – it goes into a flaccid little solo instead of getting all melodic and good before returning to the exact way of the original post-melodic bit. Graaaaate. Hey! here’s a funny joke: “I was going down on this girl the other day and I tasted something just like horse semen, and I said ‘aw! so that’s how grandma died!'”

The “alt. version” of “Peacock Skeleton with Crooked Feathers” is a dub-like version, and has a rapper in the opener saying something about “blood to the blood brothers.” It’s too horrible to even contemplate. Hey, here’s a joke: whaddaya call a woman who sleeps around? Her name!

The remix of “Anthrax” is a nice excuse to have some white noise for a while, then a mediocre Gang of Four cover. Oh boy! At least I’m reviewing it so that I never have to hear it again. By the way, it’s not a remix, it’s a cover. I don’t know how you guys possibly didn’t know the difference. I know you’re listening.

Then there’s a live version of the title track, and it’s completely unnecessary. Whatever, “man”. I’m lonely. I remembered this CD as good. But it’s not good at all! I’m confused.

Fuck off, objectivist scum!

3/10

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