Death Cab For Cutie – Narrow Stairs

Random “hilarious” thought of the minute: “Christopher” would be way funnier if it were spelled “Christougher.”  eh? EH??

Well, my work here is done!

*Puts review online, masturbates furiously, weeps with equal fury*

What the fuck? Out of nowhere, Death Cab For Cutie have decided to change up the sound! The lyrical content is still the same (every song deals with some vagary or parable or story of romantic love), but never before have they sounded so much a bunch of guys that wear tight shirts to show off their arm muscles. It’s sort of admirable; that they’d develop what their music looks like so late into their career. Is it a sign that aging doesn’t need to be feared? A third-life crisis gone right?

The slow songs are outnumbered by the loud ones. The lead single is eight and a half minutes long, completely unnecessarily, since the first half of the song is a jam based on the normal sized pop song that follows, that has (good) a fab eight-million note bass hook that I could listen to over and over again (and lucky me, I get to do so for eight and a half minutes!), but a really awkward title and subject matter (“I Will Possess Your Heart” and being all stalkery, respectively). Still, it beats the hell of releasing a song about a one-winged angel or some expected crap like that, no? Yes. “No Sunlight” is even about general unhappiness! “Cath…” has an ellipsis in the title! How did I fall back into casually describing individual songs again? Look, some moments here are just embarrassing (one song has a totally silly tabla in it – haha!), and a lot of the songs do the DCFC thing where they spent all their interesting music on other songs, and the last song is called “The Ice Is Getting Thinner” – why not mention how love is a rose and the sky isn’t falling and you are a bird? – but they’re trying new things here, and that’s rather nice to know. Sadly, the goodness is about used up by tracks 2-4, and it’s all pretty meh from there.

And THAT’S IT. These guys are from Portland Oregon or some shit and when they went batshit crazy we fucked and fucked them and glossed it over and broke the god damned bonds and now they’re waiting and singing and they saw you and it isn’t right and nobody listens you fat, fat, fat, filthy, disgusting, gluttonous hog, you, you, every day I wake up and I’m myself. I will never be able to attend a party where I am not in attendance. Every single day I will wake up be myself and that’s it. There I am. My thoughts will always be my thoughts and I cannot for a second have anyone else’s. I can never look in a mirror and see anybody but the same one person I’ve always seen. The same height, the same issues, the same forehead, it doesn’t matter. I once straightened my hair for a whole year and it didn’t change anything.

This album is called Narrow Stares and it was grate to meat it. No, you’re trying to be funny. No you. No. You. No, no no. No. Stop it. Stop.

A high 6.

6/10

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