Hello hello! My name’s Chromeo, and I’ve been tagged to remix Vampire Weekend’s song “The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance” for the B-Side of their single, “The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance.” Now, I’m a real self starter, so I have some pretty great ideas for this single. For example, you know that catchy bassline and neat-o thump-a-thump-a-thump-a-THUMP drumline? Pretty neat, aren’t they? Well listen to this great idea: I’m going to get rid of them entirely, and replace the rhythm section with nothing except a synthesized 4/4 drum beat!
Oh, you know the well enunciated vocals? Well, I’m going to make them do stupid loops, especially in the chorus, driving home the message that this is a club dance song that all the kids will dance to. Why you could say that they don’t stand a chance! Ho ha ha!
By the by, you know the guitar lines and strings that played interesting ascending and descending melodies? Well, I plan to replace them all with twirly dated synths that combine with the fake drums to make the song sound like an Aqua song!
Aren’t those all great ideas? Really? I can go ahead and remix it like I said? Well then! Looks like you can consider your song remixed! I’m so glad you’re going to release it as if any fan would want to listen to it!